Description:

I am seeking an individual to fill the open position of "husband". Although the position is currently located in Durham, NC, relocation is possible. This individual must be willing to jump through 16 pages of hoops in hopes that he and I will match. All applicants to successfully complete all 16 hoops will be seriously considered.

This is a serious post. I have grown tired of online dating, bar hopping, blind dates, and dating in general. Dating consists of meeting someone, describing yourself, and sharing stories, getting close, only to discover after 3 months that you've completly wasted your time because you finally discover that the date-ee has some "deal-breaker" attribute about him/her. I am tired of telling the same stories, describing the same things, re-visting this or that, only to later discover [insert awful-ness here] and having to start all over again. I know what I want. I just have to find it. If you are in the same position, perhaps this job is for you.

Primary Position Responsibilities:

Listening, speaking, lifting, standing, hugging, listening, speaking, hanging out with a child or children, sitting still, not sitting still, listening, speaking, occasionally getting hands dirty, respecting others and their opinions although are willing to offer your own, listening, and speaking.

Required Qualifications:

Ability to use a computer. Good organizational and time management skills. Goal orientated and the ability to meet deadlines. Ability to express independent thoughts and to stand by personal morals. Patient with others. Good with children, adults, and animals. Open minded (not in a sexual tone).

Preferred Knowledge, Skills & Abilities:

Creative problem solving. Ability to multi-task. Sense of humor. Compassionate. Sympathetic. Ability to cook well. Ability to put the toilet seat down, or the ability to learn.

Education & Experience Requirements:

Work requires a broad knowledge of people, life, and the willingness to learn more. Work requires at least 35 years of experience, at least ten of which (combined) involve relationships with members of the opposite sex (different species doesn't count). A college degree in life, or a field of study directly related to the position may be substituted for equivalent experience.

Automatic Disqualifications:

Men who are already involved, incarcerated, commitment phobic, bi-sexual, control addicts, sugar daddy types, drug addicts, alcoholics, cross dressers, and men just looking to "hook-up."

If you would like to apply for this position, please fill out the application.

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